I was having a conversation with my boyfriend the other day and I was blown away by his growth, I was so happy a tear came down.
I cried because I strived for so long for him to see his true potential, I knew he was capable of more yet, he was limiting himself and that hurt me because I knew I was bound to evolve reaching my full potential soon and it’s either you coming with me or you getting left behind and I didn’t want to have to do that…
The man that he grew to be today WAS NOT the man that I once knew, but was always who I aspired him to be.
He went from…
“I don’t need a therapist to tell me how to feel or give me advice about my life”
“I know how to control my anger”
“I just need to get this money and I’ll be good”
“I don’t need to change, I’m fine the way I am”
“You know… I’ve been thinking about seeing a therapist I think it can help me heal”
“I’m not letting people get me out my character, it’s not worth my energy”
“The money’s gonna come, I just want to be mentally and spiritually whole first. I don’t want the money to come and then I’m empty inside”
“I’m just trying to be the best version of myself and continue growing”
I never thought I’d hear those words, I mean I wanted to but for a whole year I didn’t and I began to lose hope.
While trying to heal myself and then trying to help someone you love as well can be especially draining. We were both toxic, dealing with baggage from our childhood that we didn’t resolve as adults.
I saw this on twitter and it resonated with me
“It’s a beautiful thing when two people in a relationship can heal each other”
A lot of people commented…
“That sounds toxic”
If we gonna be real here, it is, and that was what my relationship was, TOXIC.
At one point I regretted staying for so long in a “toxic” relationship yet I’m thankful I stuck around because I won more than I lost.
I don’t look at anything in life anymore as a lost anyhow, always a lesson and I truly do feel that way. I rarely get mad at things that don’t go my way because there’s always something I can learn from it that makes me smarter and wiser in the end.
I experienced a lot of emotional and mental pain in my relationship but the worst is over. After everything we’ve been through together as a couple, while in the process of healing ourselves individually, we came out STRONGER THAN EVER.
THAT’S REAL GROWTH.
Instead of letting our troubling times damage us even further and our relationship, we allowed time to heal us and communication to bring us closer. It took almost two years but hey, we’re here now.
My point of saying all that I said was to lay down a foundation, black men need to come to grips with their internal pain and deal with their suppressed emotions once and for all. We can’t go walking around broken inside ignoring what’s deep down inside of us, whether that be what triggers us, setting us back mentally or emotionally or any voids that are left empty. It’s time to release all the pain that we’ve harbored over the years and finally become whole.
OUR GENERATION FOCUSES ON EVERYTHING BUT MENTAL AND SPIRITUAl HEALTH.
AND NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT.
Healing comes when you are ready and willing to deal with your inner flaws accepting yourself fully. You have to be ready to face what you’ve been hiding from, and all that you’ve been avoiding.
I feel like a lot of black men walk around with these “mask” on in society which covers up the pain they don’t want others to know they’re facing. I just want you to know it’s ok to feel whatever emotion you feel. Feel it entirely and deal with it accordingly, don’t just sweep it under the rug and forget about it… What you sweep under the rug still lies there…
And it only gets worse over time.
I told my boyfriend last year,
“You need to stop supressing your pain and deal with it.”
“I’m fine, I don’t need to work on nothing because nothing is bothering me”
YOU THINK NOTHING IS BOTHERING YOU, EVERYTHING IS UNDERLYING.
Your behavior speaks before you do.
I said to him
“Whatever it is your suppressing your need to deal with it”
“I know how to deal with it, you just bring it out of me”
See that’s the problem, YOU DIDN’T HEAL BECAUSE WHEN YOU ARE TRIGGERED, YOU ACT IRRATIONALLY OR DISPLAY TOXIC BEHAVIOR.
If you took the time to deal with what is under the rug that wouldn’t happen. Get what’s underneath the rug and dump that shit in the trash because if you move on or come across someone else that is “toxic” you won’t have to say
“You brought it out of me”
You won’t experience pain in the way you did before because that part of you is HEALED.
Black men and black woman have equally gone through a tremendous amount of pain over the years and throughout generations. We can’t have the happy ever after in a relationship until we deal with ourselves FIRST. We can’t enjoy our riches until we have DEALT WITH OURSELVES FIRST.
WE CANNOT LOVE SOMEONE ELSE UNTIL WE HAVE DEALT WITH OURSELVES FIRST.
Black people as a whole need to STOP sweeping our pain under the rug and DEAL WITH WHAT HAS BOTHERED US HEAD ON. NO MORE SUGAR COATING SHIT.
NO MORE, “IT’S NOT THAT BAD” “I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL”
THAT IS PROBLEMATIC AND TOXIC BEHAVIOR, DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT.
Someone told me I needed to see a therapist lol…
I laughed at it because I am actually already doing that, it’s funny because you think you’re insulting me when really your insulting yourself.
You’re insulting yourself by trying to bash me for something you probably need, yet, you have not grown to the point where you recognize you have issues or maybe you are too afraid to deal with it OR maybe you are in denial.
I got a good laugh out of that one because only if you knew… Only if you were wise enough and strong enough to see that you are wounded.
I need a therapist and so does the rest of the world! There are people out there with serious mental and emotional issues avoiding it only deteriorating their own health, HOW ABOUT YOU TRY TO FIX YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU COME FOR MINE.
It takes a certian type of person to be able to go to a stranger and say
“I need help”
It takes courage, strength, disciple, acknowledgment, and acceptance. You have to be SO real with yourself that you step back and say
“Wow, something’s not right here…”
Even acknowledging the problem is a BIG STEP. I will never look down on someone for getting the help that they need because I know what it takes to be able to look at yourself and own your shit, and that’s what people do who go to counseling or see a therapist. They are dealing with their shit, trying to become a better version of themselves.
Some will call us “crazy” when we say we see a therapist but you my friend are the crazy one for walking around broken inside acting as if everything is ok…
Heal yourself and go live your best life.
Praying that all my brothers and sisters find emotional, mental and spiritual healing.