Drama from the other side

Since I can remember I always said I wasn’t going to date a man that already had a kid because …

ONE: I DON’T WANNA BE A STEPMOM.

TWO: I WANNA START A FAMILY TOGETHER.

THREE: I DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH YOUR BABY MOMMA DRAMA.

FOUR: I DON’T WANNA HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY MAN GOING BACK OR SLEEPING WITH HIS EX.

EVERY ANGLE OF IT WAS A NO TO ME.

Then I go and date a man with a kid…

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

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I already imagined that me getting into a relationship with a man that has a baby mother would be filled with DRAMA but I gave myself the benefit of the doubt and wow…

I WAS RIGHT.

DRAMA

Speaking from the perspective of a woman dating the baby daddy I can truly say this is a shit show…

Like honestly, this is bullshit. And it’s been bullshit from jump.

I’ll speak about my experience and ya’ll let me know if I’m out of pocket or not etc…

SO BOOM

The first major thing that pissed me OFF was…

Him going to see his son who is miles away and STAYING with his BM for 7 DAYS.UNDER THE SAME ROOF.

He left to see his son and I told him beforehand, he better had call an aunt, grandmother or something to see if he could stay with them because I wasn’t ok with him sleeping the night with his EX. He could stay the day over there and stay the night elsewhere…

That’s fair right?….

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The first night he stayed with family and the second day he called me saying that he wasn’t going to be traveling back and forth to see his son and it was best he stay where his son was which was his baby mother’s apartment…

I was LIVID.

HOW IS IT OK TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND BE SLEEPING AT YOUR BABY MOTHER’S HOME FOR A WEEK???

I blacked and I felt like he was crossing boundaries, I get that it’s about your son and I’m not taking that away from you. BUT I live in the REAL WORLD and in the real world people LIE and people CHEAT so with that being said I DON’T TRUST IT. People will say “Oh if you don’t trust him why are you with him”

NO, that isn’t the case. I trust him but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who gets a little worried when they man is going out and know he’ll be around other females…

I trust him but I don’t trust HER. I don’t know her and just off the strength that she’s a female AND also his EX, I definitely don’t trust her. Before me and him got together they were broken up for about 7 months, and at the beginning of the 7 months, she had HIS BABY.

SO understanding the way a woman’s brain works I’m going to assume that someone that was in a 2 and half year relationship with a man and then had his baby, then separating  7 months later is not MAGICALLY over him within a few months or even a year. Especially when you are constantly talking to him and or seeing him. Woman are far more emotional than men and I just don’t believe that at that point she was over him.

All going back to me not being comfortable with it.

“I could always get her back if I wanted. If I told her I wanted to be with her right now she would agree because I gave her my seed”

THAT REALLY SECURES MY TRUST.

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Next thing is, there are NO boundaries. In no way shape or form should your baby mother have access to your BANK ACCOUNT.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

But that’s just me…

Another thing…

When she needed money it got sent. Cool, you need money to take care of your child BUT I feel like YOU SHOULD ONLY BE GETTING WHAT YOU NEED,

FOR YOUR CHILD.

$500 here, $700 here,

$3,000 HERE…

LIKE NO.

You get WHAT YOU NEED AND ONLY WHAT YOU NEED.

$500 a month is what she was supposed to be getting…

Some women I know get nothing, so to be getting blessed in this way and still have complaints, demands etc blows my mind.

I feel like your baby daddy isn’t responsible for your living arrangements, it would be nice IF HE DID help pay your rent or moving expenses, bills etc but THAT’S NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY.

GO GET YOU A MAN.

He should be ASSISTING you with childcare needs, not paving a way for your personal lifestyle. If you can’t handle your OWN RENT, CAR EXPENSES OR BILLS you need to FIGURE IT OUT.

You have a responsibility to make sure you and yours are good. It’s evident that the both of you are over romantically over so take care of business, WITH OR WITHOUT HIM.

All those women who have deadbeats have to MAKE IT WORK. They don’t have the luxury of getting help with rent/mortgage, bills etc. So if a single mom with a deadbeat baby father can make a way YOU CAN TOO with what you are given and should be grateful for the help.

I really think that a card should be given to baby mothers that ONLY allows them to buy things for the CHILD. Buying bundles, iPhones and getting your nails done is unacceptable to me and it’s not fair to the men doing the right thing.

Questions

1. Should a baby father only pay for the child’s needs? Or the child’s need and rent, bills etc?

2. Should a baby father visit his child and sleep at the baby mother’s home?

3. Should the female dating the baby father be entitled to feel upset that he is staying nights at her home? Or should she look past it because it’s for the sake of the child?

Let me know ya’ll

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28 thoughts on “Drama from the other side

  1. my daughters father is actually dating someone . Luckily she doesn’t get involved too much (as far as money and other things) but she’s very involved with my daughter which i love. Dating someone with a kid isn’t always easy.

    It’s a very sticky situation and it sounds like you don’t like her much but there’s always two sides to a story. Him staying at her house is unacceptable for you, of course. So i see why you’re upset. Who wouldn’t be….it was disrespectful but he obviously had a different outlook because he stayed.

    Sometimes i need extra money to do things for my daughter when I’m low on cash. Her dad always meets me halfway. Sometimes things come up and it’s ok for the other parent to step up if needed. That’s what co parenting is about. A set amount every month isn’t always helpful because life does happen.

    For example i went back to school to finish my degree so i had to cut hours at work. Her father always made sure there was food in the house because his daughter was there. It’s things like that. It wasn’t his house no, but his daughter rests her head here.

    Hope it all works out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Definitely isn’t easy!

      And as far as the money goes I get it when things get rough, help is needed and should be offered!
      I’m not knocking that but I’m dealing with it constantly and to me its always money money money. ALWAYS. At some point there needs to be certain boundaries especially when you are in a relationship. I feel like there are none. Like access to bank accounts is a no- no to me. Along with a list of other shit that I didn’t discuss…
      Thanks for your feedback 💫

      Like

  2. Wow girl! Yes you had every right to be mad he was staying under her roof. Some females can be ruthless. You don’t know what she could be capable of. Shes obviously had sex with him once what would stop her from another round.
    $500 a month seems reasonable. $3000? That’s not all going towards a child. I personally have a best friend who doesn’t know when she will receive anything from her baby’s father but she takes what she gets and doesn’t bother worrying when the next time will be because she takes care of herself an her daughter without a man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! & That’s what I thought as well, I didn’t feel I was wrong for that. The situation was difficult at the time but…

      Yeah I know, who knows where it’s going! I feel like baby mothers run with it and feel more entitled than they should be. He’s not your man for a reason, with that being said if you need all those accommodations you should go get one.
      Bc I truly feel it is not a baby fathers position to play house.
      Take care of the child and that’s it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sigh… I am emotionally traumatized thanks to Kanye and I log on to Baby Mama Drama. 😂😩😭

    I wouldn’t date a man with children because it’s just weird. The pseudo-relationship between the child’s mother and father, I’d feel a way if my dude WASN’T in his child’s life more than just weekends, and lines get blurred (and quickly). I wouldn’t want to question what’s going on with my man and his ex while he’s away visiting his child… I don’t think I successfully be in a relationship as a step-mom unless he has full custody.

    I think it’s okay to help with the rent and the car payment because those are necessities in taking care of the child. A monthly stipend for the bare minimum is harsh; I don’t think child support is granted enough for women to profit.

    Dom | http://www.DivaNamedDom.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😂😂😂 oh lord😩
      Kanye is killing us tho😩

      And that’s how I always viewed it.. I was never ok with the idea because 1 I’m too overprotective along with a list of other things…
      I think it’s ok to help on occasion but the father shouldn’t be EXPECTED to pay for car notes rent and bills. Giving the mother ONE amount TOWARDS the child’s expenses to me is enough.
      The woman should have a job and play a part in taking care of her responsibility as a parent.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We can definitely agree to disagree here. If I have a child and need to provide housing of a 2-bedroom apartment while dad gets the luxury of only needing a 1-bedroom apartment, that’s extra money I have to pay because WE made a baby. Children get sick all of the time (doctor copays), have extra curricular activities (these activities usually have fees, extra travel, and equipment), need new clothes and shoes ALL THE TIME, and might need after/daycare ($400/week +). A mere $500 a month is not enough to 1/2 raise a child.

        I’m the one helping with homework, school projects (cha ching another expense), staying up late when they’re sick, styling hair/facilitating haircuts (another expense), communicating with school teachers, etc while dad just has to show up on Saturdays and take my kid to Chuckle Cheese and he’s a hero. It’s not easy nor cheap nor a set price to raise a child.

        Dom | http://www.DivaNamedDom.com

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s all understandable.

        I didn’t say a lot of the details here because it just wasn’t necessary and that wasn’t the point of just blurting out business and extra unnecessary details. I wanted to give a general idea of what my experience was and that is all.

        Everything stated is MY OPINION.

        The point here is…. the father should help with expenses and if she falls short should pick up where needed.
        BUT the woman should be able to provide for HER child whether the father is there or not. The father shouldn’t be a CRUTCH. And if he’s out the picture now you homeless because you can’t afford it and was depending on that 500$?
        That’s what I’m really getting at.
        Bc if it were me, of course I would want the help BUT I’m not about to DEPEND on NOBODY bc at the end of the day not everybody is dependable and sometimes shit happens. Today is not promised to none of us.

        A single mother has NO choice but to make sure she is good at her own expense because she DOES NOT have the luxury of getting any help from the father. SHE MAKES IT WORK REGARDLESS. DEPENDING ON SELF.
        I guess it’s a matter of personality because all my life I’ve been independent and I know how to survive with or without the help of someone. So I am not conditioned nor feel entitled to anyone doing anything for me.

        If you need help fine.
        But if you have a job that’s paying you example 10$ an hour and YOU KNOW that will NOT cover your rent etc YOU NEED A BETTER JOB. OR need to find a cheaper place of residency.
        You should not say ok, I can take this job because I know I’ll be getting 500$ from my estranged baby father so with that, I can pay the rent and my phone bill.
        NO.

        And will child support if a man is really not cool with the mother and the court ORDERS he pay 500$ a month than that’s what you get and nothing more because the father WONT send you more.
        There’s situations like that too.
        And what are you gonna do if that’s ALL YOUR GETTING?

        It’s not cheap to raise a child and anybody that had a kid or is having one should know that. So you better make adjustments and boss up bc don’t nobody gotta do NOTHING for you. Not even your baby daddy!

        Which is why so many single moms have deadbeats.

        I rest my case lol.

        Like

  4. 1.Should a baby father only pay for the child’s needs? Or the child’s need and rent, bills etc?
    Nope, the baby father should only pay for the child’s needs only and that’s it. I believe the mother should be paying the rent and bills on her own.
    2. Should a baby father visit his child and sleep at the baby mother’s home?
    Nope, its okay for him visit his kids and he will have communication with his child’s mother but spending the night is taking it too far though. If he still spending the night, who knows what going on behind close doors.
    3. Should the female dating the baby father be entitled to feel upset that he is staying nights at her home? Or should she look past it because it’s for the sake of the child?
    I can definitely understand why a girlfriend would be upset if her boyfriend is spending the night at his baby mother’s house. Unless it’s an emergency like a blizzard and its way too dangerous to travel, then I don’t think a man should be spending the night at his baby mother’s house if they are not together.

    Stuff like this is why I would never date a single parent. I have no kids so I would not want to be a step father to somebody kid. As a single parent, I think it is best to date another single parent.
    Good post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. THANK YOU!!!
      I feel the exact same way. You are not together so situation shouldn’t be treated as so. You get assistance for the child and that’s it! If you need help here and there fine. But every thing else is a NO. The woman should have a secure home and be able to take care of the responsibility that comes with it.

      As far as #3 goes I really think that is just respect for the relationship. You can see your child and not sleep at your baby mothers house, additionally your EX’s home.

      Thanks for reading !

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad that you are bringing this topic to the forefront so we can all have a discussion about it.
    1. I always felt, 110%, that a father should pay for the child’s needs with help from the mother as well. It “took two to tango” so those two should be held responsible for the child’s upbringing. I never thought about the baby daddy paying for the child’s rent as well. I am sort of on the fence on that one so I will have to think a little harder about it! It’s so good of a question it threw me off a bit.
    2. A baby father should definitely visit his child, but boundaries should be met. What is the point of the baby daddy coming in the house? Why not take the child to the park or do something on the outside? However, he should not sleep at the baby mother’s home unless the baby mother allows it. If he is in a relationship and his girlfriend or wife does not approve of it, then that’s a no-go. No questions asked. He shouldn’t be sleeping at any other woman’s house for that matter and the baby mama’s house is no exception.
    3. I already know I would have a major problem with him fo’ sho if he is staying the night at his baby mama’s house. I meeeeaaaaaan, for what? His partner would have every right to get upset if this is what was going on. It’s about respect in showing the two people who are in the relationship that boundaries should not be crossed.

    I say all of that to say this: the child doesn’t care if the baby daddy spends time with them in the house or outside of the house, the child just wants to be loved and taken care of. Period.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Absolutely! “Takes two to tango” is RIGHT. I personally don’t feel like it’s the baby fathers responsibility to pay rent bills etc. I think he should send a certain amount and the mother can use appropriate discrepancy on what goes where as long as it benefits the child.

      Yeah the sleeping at the baby mothers house is definitely a no for me and over stepping boundaries but was obviously not respected on my end.

      I love the last part of your comment! That’s Definitely all that matters💕

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh nooo I would not want my man sleeping over at his baby mama/ex’s house either– I don’t care if it’s for his son or not! As far as paying for things, I think it’s ok for him to help pay rent/bills in addition to stuff for the child ONLY IF the mother’s struggling at that time and it doesn’t turn into a regular thing. Because at the end of the day, his son does live there. But if he’s paying rent/bills all the time thats a problem!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!!!! Defiantly a big no no for me.
      And I agree, if it is to help in a troubling time but not ALL the time. She would need to re-evaluate her lifestyle if she cannot make ends meet.
      My opinion 🤷🏽‍♀️

      Like

  7. 1.i think it’s okay for him to help with the rent and bills because that’s where his child is staying …
    2.no the baby father should not be sleeping at the mothers house…that’s bugged out to me …females are very sneaky
    3.yes if you don’t approve of him staying there he should respect that and take his ass somewhere else

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think the father should have to give you money for the child AND additional money.
      Example: if the father gives you 500$ a month, do what you need to take care of you can your kid! Nothing more.

      And #2 thanks bc I agree as well, VERY sneaky.

      Like

      1. Wait yes your right …because what you doing with that 500$….now don’t be money hungry …do what you gotta do and make sure you get what your child needs

        Liked by 2 people

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