Why black men don’t want black women… (Generation Y?)

It’s all over the internet. From celebrity gossip, social media statues or word of mouth, it’s clear black men don’t want us.


Personally, I think they don’t want to put in that extra work. Most of us have been hurt in some way shape or form that has affected us largely. Some of us have voids that need to be filled, an emptiness of emotions we want you to fulfill with love and protection that may or may not be realistic, but the fact is, the majority of us are simply broken by default.

After getting to know us, they fall in love with our beauty and get blown away by the way we love them, that they unknowingly do not acknowledge our flaws and begin to feel overwhelmed once they’re in too deep. We’re then subjected to an automatic heartbreak because there’s always a better woman. One with fewer issues, less attitude and well, not so damaged…

They don’t want us because we’re too emotionally and mentally wounded, our attitudes are a reflection of our pain, that they don’t completely understand but we can’t help it. But not all of us have attitudes, are ratchet, or ignorant. There’s an array of beautiful, unique, intelligent, strong black women out there that would cater to your every need making you feel loved and special if you’d allow it. I know how to treat you, and I know how to love you. After all, we were made for each other. Black men are MADE for black women, we support and understand you like no one else will. Yet, doing everything to fulfill their needs as a man does not mean we can’t get left for Becky with the good hair …

Oh, my hair isn’t good enough?

For some reason they don’t seem to like our natural hair, you know the hair we were born with…They hate the fact that majority of black women wear wigs or weaves to cover up their natural hair that they disliked from the beginning…

Let me tell you what this does… this creates damaged goods. A woman who is worthy yet damaged in her own way. It stemmed from not feeling good enough, now opening up my insecurities, lowering my self-confidence and weakening my emotional state. Who are we really good to at that point? I have to build up all you broke down…Dating just got much harder than it already was.

I think having your own taste in women is fine, but it’s a bad feeling to the opposite sex when your own kind doesn’t desire you, and you’re seen as a burden. Black women are unlike any other kind of women in the world. We are undeniably distinct, and worthy and should be treated as so.

As I connect with other women I hear their stories similar to mine and realize that a large percentage of black women are damaged, so more times out of none, when you meet a black woman she will probably show some of those characteristics. I mean look at how we’ve been treated. Used, abused and kicked to the curb like we mean nothing like we have no value. That can be from either family members, friends, or men, either way, it’s an infliction.

We are by far the strongest of them all. We’ve endured everything under the sun. From being taken advantage of, rejection, abandonment, abuse, sexually, mentally and or physically, and yet, through it all we are still able to love greatly. We put our pain on the back burner and love you wholeheartedly, sometimes putting you first, while you leave us as an option…

Black people as a whole have it hard off the rip just because of our skin color, now add being a woman into the equation. We are already the submissive species by nature, considered weak and emotional, so the fight is even harder. We need you to fight with us. We want togetherness, unity, and your support. We want you to take the time to unravel us, to fully understand us because ideally, we are fighting the same fight. Even though we all have different views, personalities, opinions etc I think the commonality is that we ultimately want to succeed, why not together?

Truthfully, I think black men are just as damaged as black women. No one speaks about it though. What’s been socially normalized is that “Men are strong, men don’t cry, and men don’t get emotional.”

That’s false, but that’s what a lot of men hide behind. Their tough aura and or persona hides the deep-rooted pain, the intense day to day struggle and really the truth. Women would love for that openness, the withdraw of your feelings, let us know so what it is so we can help, let’s talk about it, let me motivate you, let me be your number one fan. It’s not always that easy for them though…

In addition to that, love seems to not be trending at the moment. Everybody’s hurt and people, in general, seem incapable of truly loving one another.

Hold on, there’s more…

Yes, we might be both damaged BUT Black men still have the upper hand here. Since men are good at suppressing their emotions and women are emotional rollercoasters we are left mentally and emotionally fucked up. Most men have the luxury of moving right on to the next.

Sometimes we get left without notice and that’s the worst, but whether there’s a notice or not most times when a relationship ends, you’re left with some residue, especially if you love hard. The built-up pain from either party can leave you hurting, confused, and resistant to REAL love in the future. It’s just a huge circle of pain.

Getting deeper…

Society has done its job of breaking us apart. There are so many factors that play a role in the success and failure of our people. We are not what we used to be. Back in the day, we had both parents in the home, we owned homes. Both parents lived together, we had jobs, education, our children had morals, principles, and respect. Seems like all of that has gone out the window. Our generation is the opposite. Our kids need their fathers, they NEED both parents in the home and they need LOVE. I don’t like hearing out a black mans mouth that they don’t like black women.

“Oh I don’t like black women, if I date one she gotta be light skin, I don’t do dark skin.”

First of all, you’re alive because a black woman gave birth to you. And if this is one of those cases where you mother isn’t black well your father was. Point is your black. Often I hear I prefer Spanish, (Even though that’s a language) or white women etc. That personal preference may just be a preference but I feel like you’re choosing not to love your struggle, which is what you are made of…

(Digging deeper )

Where do you think soul food deprived of? Or the saying black people have “Soul?” Those are reflections of our pain and the immense struggle we endured over the years. We were once slaves and had everything ripped from us. We made meals from scraps because that’s all we were given by our owners. Leftover animal remains such as pig intestines (chitterlings) pigtail, chicken neck and gizzards were primary in our meals.

Now I said that to make a point, what’s left of our “culture” that “African Americans” may know is entirely made up of our struggle, and that’s as real as it gets. You must love your struggle and love your self. Love you naturally, love our people naturally. Why should my man encourage me to perm my hair or wear weaves over my natural kinky hair? Or makeup and eyelashes extensions versus my NATURAL beauty? That means you don’t love ME. And there’s a lot of that going on… I watched a man tell his wife on The Steve Harvey show that he hates her natural hair and that she should go back to her Brazilian bundles. He even ran out the house because he said he didn’t recognize her. So sad. You could clearly tell she was hurt by that and it probably opened up some type of insecurity, and lack of confidence. Imagine if he supported her natural hair journey, she would probably be a lot more confident within her self as a woman.

We have a lot of work to do as a culture, and what’s necessary is for us to try our best at loving and supporting our people, we are literally all we got.

Black women are imperfectly perfect complex beings but that doesn’t mean we don’t need love. Encourage us to be the best version of ourselves and we will in return give you the same creating an unstoppable force that’s beautiful and divine.

“We need women who are so strong that they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.”

-Kavita Ramdas


*Images provided by Google

47 thoughts on “Why black men don’t want black women… (Generation Y?)

  1. Great insight and well written. I believe the reason why all women and especially our BLACK women are taking for granted and rejected. Firstly, lack of a father figure in the home because a father is usually the image his daughter seek. Secondly, most of black man is not home to teach their son of how to be a MAN, HUSBAND, and a FATHER. Thirdly, most men does not understunderstad the need of a woman. The number one need of a woman is affection. This mean applying a action to her. For example, a car needs gas to run but do you need gas no, but the car need gas. Fourth, women are motivated by what they hear. So man we need to tell our woman how much we appreciated them.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This is a great piece Dolce. But may I ask aren’t we the ones who caused our selves to become damage goods? Isn’t it the black men who have caused us black women to become damage goods reflecting on slavery and seeing it is the black men that have idolized the body of whites and demean women of there own kind. And now in this century they wish that all women look a certain way?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your feedback !!
      I think men play a huge part in us being damaged. Women rely on love and men don’t always know how to properly love us. If you were broken PRIOR to the relationship you are considered very delicate. Men have the upper hand like I stated in my post, so with that being said we are automatically the submissive species, naturally. I ended my post stating that we have to do better as a culture because we do! It’s not throwing every thing on one party but men do have a HUGE part of why we are damaged in the first place . The first person who damaged me unfortunately was my father, then after that was a cycle of broken men.
      It gets really deep.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. In my opinion I prefer a black queen, it’s just finding that right queen that takes time. So men go with the flow or base there past experiences on there future relationships and turn towards another race. All colors have flaws so I agree color isn’t the issue its the mind of the men and the woman they choose.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, but black men need to be patient with black women, most of us are damaged / broken in some way shape or form. We need to be showered with love and we need patience . I read that almost 80% of black women have suffered from some type of abuse. Mentally, physically or sexually. That takes a toll on us and definitely effects our mentally capacity in choosing the next man. Our system is broken and has failed us. Ultimately we need to work collectively as a culture. Black men and women are broken period.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree but I disagree, I can’t speak for all men but I can speak for my self. I agree that patience is key to mend a broken heart of a woman, but most men don’t take the time do see the potential in that woman and they move on. But like I said you are right this era and how children of our race are being brought up it will on get worst. That’s why I wanted to write a book what is a relationship, me and you seem similar seem.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Also. I’m not just speaking about a broken heart. I’m speaking about a women who has been through it all. Molested, raped, abused, belittled, abandoned, taken advantage of PERIOD. Not just my boyfriend dumped me.
        Black women have been Through a lot it’s important that we acknowledge those specifics.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s my point. They don’t take the time to fully unravel us. Once they start getting those flags that we are damaged they run off. Damaged doesn’t always mean bad. We are still #worthy.
        I feel some men are equally as damaged but handle it in their own way.
        Again we must come together and be their for one another.
        We are ALL WE GOT.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. After reading this I starting to understand where black women come from.
    I’m a black man and i can’t lie at one point, I too was tired of dealing with black women and was looking to interact with women with other races.
    Black women do get the least respect out of all women because both black men and women come from dysfunctional families
    Your post was interesting but one thing I will say is another reason I feel black men don’t want black women is because black women fight with each other and put each other down.I agree black men do need to fight and respect black women, but black women first must learn to get along with each other. I know a lot of black women that told me they have more male friends than women because women are hard to get along with.
    I love black women just like all other women and I’m starting to understand where they are coming from. But for the black women that are curious to why black men don’t want them, well take it from my point of view, a lot of black women I dealt with are loud and moody, judgmental and usually go after the hood n*ggas. Now I am not placing all black women in this category but what use to kill me was the attitude. I going to honest, when I started being around white people, I realized how peaceful the environment was and everybody get along and respect each other. So sometimes we as black men need a break from violence and ignorance so sometimes we may drift off in the white area or white women. But don’t get me wrong white people aren’t any better because they will pretend to be your friend and talk about you behind your back. Just like black people some white people are loud and rambunctious. White men too disrespect white women the way black men disrespect black women. Believe it or not there are white men that are into black women.
    I could talk about this all day but I’ll stop right here.
    I love black women just like I love white women. I love all women.
    One thing I just wish is for black women to get along with each other and to really stop saying “Men are trash” on twitter because that makes black people looks bad as w hole towards other races.
    White men as well disrespect white women as well it’s just nobody talks about it.
    Apologize if I went off topic but if you disagree with anything I said feel free to let me knoiw

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah I agree , I left it off as we as whole need to do better. Your right we can be here all day talking about this. The problem is deep rooted and has so many Avenues. Black men and women play a part, and yes bc we are broken. Sometimes we get into relationships with toxic people and more time out of none you connected with that person in the first place bc you have like souls. Both are toxic. And that’s not a positive environment for anyone to grow or be happy. Of course not all men are bad, not all black women have attitudes, and not all black people are broken or damaged but we are talking about the ones who are. Bc there’s a lot out there that definitely need healing. It starts with you first. I think a lot of POC don’t take the time to heal themselves first or even think they have anything to fix in the first place. We have to acknowledge that there’s an issue. There’s always a root to the problem and why someone acts the way they do.
      Also white black or Asian people disrespect each other PERIOD. Right now I’m concerned about how my people treat each other .

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I understand I agree with this. Root of the problem starts off with the way we were raised or from elders. People tend to believe what they hear and people become brainwashed. One day I may make a blog about this myself about black people in general.
    Nice blog and I wish you luck with your blogging and social life and I look forward to any of your future blogs.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This was amazing! What we MUST do as black women, is LOVE ourselves first and foremost! We must take what we have been through and learn from it, grow from it and keep it moving. We for damn sure should never be mad if someone doesn’t want us, it’s their LOST!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leaving your feedback! Absolutely!!!! 10000% unfortunately a lot of us already made that mistake early in our lives, due to a lack of guidance and voids that we’re not filled while growing, but it’s never too late to turn things around. Our people as a whole need to work on self love. This right here is a HUGE problem in the black community

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I literally just had a brief conversation about this with my cousin not too long ago. It was very brief and I definitely plan on elaborating on this subject the next time I see him! Keep up the good work Dolce! You made some really good points and I definitely agree. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is very accurate for the majority. I have had two experiences in my life first hand that prove so and small experiences through out that hint.The first one was when i was 15, a boy said he wouldn’t date me because he does not like blacks girls funny enough the guy was black himself and of a darker complexion then me.Another experience was when a guy said that he first preferred lighter or white girls over black girls.I also noticed the different reactions i would get from people when i decided to wear my natural hair more often. Media definitely plays a very big role in this,black people have been installed to prefer people of a lighter complexion from the beginning of time,and this has only exacerbated from the increase advertisement of interracial couples and mixed children.

    Liked by 1 person

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